Online Outsourcing of Love

Last night a Facebook friend of mine was all aghast on the site about an advertisement she found online. She is a freelance writer and was surfing to pick up a job when she came across an advertisement for an online dating ghostwriter. 
 The advertisement was searching for a “writer/texter” who could assist “successful executive" men in finding the love of their lives. The job entailed setting up dating profiles, screening potential dates, communicating with said potential dates via text or email and arranging in- person meetups. It also required the writer to write from the male perspective (specifically) and use language that would lend “mystery” to the client. 
 The idea that any man would outsource his love life did not sit well with my friend. 
 I thought WAIT! This could be my dream job. 
 I could get paid to pretend to be a toad of a toilet paper executive looking for love. I could fabricate wonderful qualities about my amphibian like client who shrunk the roll. I could bring delight to some woman’s day every time I text her. She would love me! 
 Then she would meet my client a realize what a douche he actually is. 
 Seriously, who does this?
 How big of a loser do you have to be to hire someone to make you look better on a dating web site...
 There are companies online that will do everything but the kissing, for their clients. They will pick the best dating site, create the most attractive profile, take the best pictures of their clients and Photoshop any ugly right off the screen. They will sort through the chicks' profiles so only “high-quality” women are presented to their clients. These services will make anyone look, as Brad Paisley sang “so much cooler online.”   
 All for the bargain price of around half a grand a month. 
 These sites are raking in the dough.
 They do everything except hold the hand of their client on an actual date. (Although, I bet that can be bought too.) 
 It’s not a bad idea on paper. I've tried the online thing. It is exhausting. Having someone cull the herd for me would be beneficial. However, if I ever found out a guy had a service text or email me to lay the foundation for our romance, he would be walking home with a limp.  
 Hiring someone to communicate with a potential mate sounds like a business deal. It reminds me of a job applicant being vetted by a manager before meeting the boss for the interview. Maybe that is what the client wants. He is too busy making money to take time to find a wife. He is a businessman, so his answer is to pay someone to come up with a short list of potential candidates. 
 I can just imagine what his “qualifications" are for the job. This guy is an executive, he has executive taste, so his wife should be executive quality. (I could bemoan what “executive qualities” are for a woman, but the thought of cataloging my gender is just not on my to do list right now.)  
 In my opinion, users of online dating ghostwriters should fire the service and hire someone to help with their actual work load. That way they have the time to make an actual connection, not just an outsourced one. 

Thanks clipartpanda,com for the free clip art.