Robo-calls

 I was wondering what to write about today when a phone call answered my question.
Ring, ring...
“Hello,” I answered.
“Hi, this is Pam, can  I speak to the elderly person in your home?”
 Elderly person?
I did a quick head count of the inhabitants of our house and could only tag my 9 year old dog as possibly being elderly. Figuring she didn’t want to speak to the dog, I asked her to whom she was referring.
“Edgar Allen Poe” she answered.
Now don’t laugh, my ex’s grandfather was named after the famous poet with only a one letter change in the name. (Allan - for famous guy, Allen - for family member.)
“Unless you can commune with the dead, your not going to speak to him. He died in 1980.”
 Click.
 I get calls for geriatric services all the time. Somehow my phone number ended up on some master list as having an elderly person at my residence. I am 45 and the last time I checked 45 wasn’t elderly. (J-Lo is 45 and she defiantly isn’t elderly.)
 Usually, the calls are no big deal. I tell the caller there is no one here who qualifies for their services and ask them to take my phone number off their list. They say sorry and end of call.
 Occasionally however, I will get some poor sap who won’t take no for an answer. They vomit their script into the phone without giving me any chance to let them down easy.
 Ring, ring.
”Hello?”
“Hi, my name is Mara and we at, blah blah company, senior services want to let you know about the wonderful programs we have for Medicare part B applicants...”  says the caller
“But..” I say”
“This is not a sales call. You qualify for this, one time, special offer to sign up at no additional cost to you..” she rapid fires on.
“But...” I repeat.
“So Mr. Poe what do you say, do you want to sign up for our service?” she concludes.
“No. Mr. Poe does not live here. He...” I say.
“That is okay, Mrs. Poe, we can offer you the same special at no additional cost to you...” she interrupts.
“Wait!” I yell into the phone. “How old is Mr. Poe?”
“Uhh,” she stumbles “Over 65.”
“That man lied to me!” I screamed into the receiver and hung up on her.
 I did feel marginally sad for ending the call so abruptly, but golly, Mara was a talker.
 My dad has the most fun with sales calls of anyone I know.
 He is very patient with the salesperson and answers their questions very slowly letting the salesperson think they have a bite. He will ask questions relating to the service to get their hopes up. Then he will start telling them about his life growing up poor and struggling to make ends meet. He will tell them about how hard he worked to gain the financial security he has built for himself and his family. Finally, he will say he isn’t a dumb old geezer and tells the phone representative they will never get “one red cent” out of him and to have a nice day.
 Usually his approach works, but one day Dad answered the phone and the person on the other end was one of those “vomit-the-script” sales people.  Dad let the guy drone on.
“So would you like me to mail you some information on our offer?”
“No,” said dad.
“Don’t worry we have your address and I can overnight it to you for your consideration. I’ll let you review our product and call you in a few days to see what you think.”
Dad literally pulled the phone away from his face and looked at the receiver and said...
“If you just have to, but I am not interested.”
“Great, I will call you in a few days.”
Dad rolled his eyes and hung up.
The next day Fed-Ex showed up with a packet for dad. It was some kind of investment thing that required thousands of dollars to buy into. To me it looked like fraud, to dad it looked like recycling.
That afternoon the guy called.
 “Well, what did you think about our offer” he asked dad.
 “I didn’t” said dad.
 “What! If you were not serious about getting into the ground floor of this investment opportunity why did you have me overnight you the paperwork” sales guy asked.
 “I told you I wasn’t interested. You are the one who decided to overnight the papers. Don’t call me again."
 Click.
 I thought dad handled the yahoo well.
 Another ploy I use to avoid robo calls is to not say hello upon answering the phone. I will wait a few seconds and listen for the tell tale click that lets me know a computer dialed my number and an operator will be on the line shortly. So I hang up.
 This practice has led to many of my friends thinking I have a phobia about talking on my home phone.
Ring, ring.
I pick up the receiver and stay silent.
“Sally, you there?"
“Oh, hi! I’m just making sure you are not a sales call. What’s up...”
 So to avoid the silent treatment my friends call my cell.
 However, my cell phone number has recently made it onto a robo call list. The only people I give my cell number to are my friends, my doctor, my insurance and my kid’s school. So either the doc, the insurance or the district is selling my info. (My vote is on the insurance. Those money grubbing leaches will drain every last drop out of you.)
 So not only am I bombarded with irritating sales calls at home, I now get them anywhere I go.
 Sure the caller I.D. says “private caller”,  but it could be my Bestie calling from jail needing me  to bail her out from something she did that I suggested she do. So I answer.
“Hi my name is Mara, we at blah, blah, blah...”
 End call.
 I think I’ll just change my numbers.

  If you suspect you have been contacted by a person trying to defraud you contact the U.S. postal inspectors and fill out a mail fraud complaint. Here is a URL to the form.
 http://ehome.uspis.gov/fcsexternal/